From childhood, we’re fed stories about the “ideal”:
The ideal career, The ideal partner and The ideal lifestyle
Even the ideal version of ourselves.
It’s everywhere- in advertisements, on social media, in self-help books, and even in casual conversations. But here’s the truth many people spend years learning the hard way:
There is no such thing as “ideal.” It’s a myth- beautifully packaged, widely sold, and profoundly deceptive.
This post dives deep into why the concept of the “ideal” is flawed, why real life doesn’t- and shouldn’t- mirror perfection, and what we can pursue instead to lead more grounded, meaningful lives.
1. The Myth of the Ideal: Where Does It Come From?
The ideal is an illusion created and perpetuated by:
- Media: We’re shown highlight reels of success, beauty, and luxury, rarely the struggle behind them.
- Societal standards: Cultures often establish benchmarks of what’s considered “ideal”- ideal body type, marriage, career path, or financial success.
- Comparisons: In the age of social media, we constantly measure our reality against someone else’s curated image.
- Fear of inadequacy: Striving for an ideal gives us a false sense of direction, a “perfect” destination that seems to promise worth and happiness.
But here’s the problem- the ideal is subjective, ever-changing, and unattainable.
2. Why There Can Be Nothing Truly Ideal
To understand why ideals don’t work, we must acknowledge a few truths:
a. Life is Fluid
Circumstances change. People evolve. What seems perfect today may be irrelevant tomorrow. There is no static point in life where everything aligns “perfectly” forever.
b. Perfection is a Moving Target
Even when we achieve what we once believed was ideal- a job, a relationship, a body weight- it often doesn’t feel as fulfilling as we imagined. Why? Because our definition of “ideal” shifts with time, maturity, and context.
c. Ideal Leaves No Room for Growth
Perfection leaves no space for trial, error, or failure. Yet real growth happens in the mess, the mistakes, and the moments of uncertainty. An ideal scenario discourages experimentation and flexibility.
d. Ideal = Pressure
The pursuit of perfection creates overwhelming pressure to perform, conform, and achieve. It leads to burnout, anxiety, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome- not peace or fulfilment.
3. The Problem with Expecting the Ideal
Expecting ideal outcomes leads to:
• Disappointment
Reality rarely lives up to fantasy, so we constantly feel let down, even by good things.
• Self-Criticism
When we fall short of the “ideal,” we blame ourselves, not the unrealistic standard we were chasing.
• Relationship Damage
Expecting ideal behaviour from others- partners, friends, and family- can lead to frustration, disconnection, and unfair resentment.
• Stunted Progress
Waiting for the perfect time, idea, or opportunity often leads to inaction. Progress, not perfection, is the real driver of success.
4. What to Strive for Instead of Ideal
Here’s what works better than perfection:
Suitability
Look for what fits you- your values, goals, personality- not what looks ideal on paper or Instagram.
Alignment
Instead of perfect outcomes, aim for alignment. Are your actions aligned with your purpose? Are your choices aligned with your needs and values?
Adaptability
Life is unpredictable. Choose flexibility over flawlessness. The ability to adapt is far more valuable than perfection.
Sufficiency Over Perfection
Ask: Is this enough? Not: Is this perfect? Enough is realistic. Enough is peaceful.
5. Real-Life Examples: How Letting Go of Ideal Changes Everything
Career
Instead of waiting for your “dream job,” take the job that aligns with your skillset and provides growth. Use it as a stepping stone, not a final destination.
Relationships
Stop comparing your relationship to Hollywood romances. Focus on communication, trust, and mutual growth- even if it’s not picture-perfect.
Self-Image
Instead of chasing the perfect body, focus on strength, energy, and self-care. Confidence comes from consistency, not comparison.
6. The Freedom in Letting Go
When you let go of the ideal:
- You stop feeling like you’re failing.
- You start appreciating what is instead of mourning what isn’t.
- You create room for grace, self-compassion, and genuine fulfilment.
This doesn’t mean you stop striving- it means you start striving smarter. You build your life not on fantasy, but on foundations that support you as you are.
Real is the New Ideal
The ideal myth is deeply ingrained in our culture, but it’s time we see it for what it is: a trap.
Perfect doesn’t exist.
But real, honest, and aligned do.
Choose messy over manufactured, Choose genuine over glamorous and Choose reality- not because it’s easier, but because it’s true.
Because when you stop chasing ideal, you start living fully.